“And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.”
Ephesians 4:32
The subject of forgiveness is mentioned more than a hundred times in the Bible for good reason. Although it is the cornerstone of our relationship with Christ, through His sacrifice, death, and resurrection, we often struggle with the concept of it. It is human nature to hold a grudge.
The English poet, Alexander Pope, wrote the famous line, “To err is human, to forgive divine.” How true that is.
The bitter root of unforgiveness has destroyed families, friendships, and even nations. We only need to look to the Bible to see how this has played out, beginning with Cain and Abel. The first murder took place because Cain held a grudge against his brother.
In Genesis 27-33, we see the break between Esau and Jacob after Jacob stole his brother’s birthright and blessing. He vowed to kill him, and it was years later before they were eventually reconciled. However, we see the repercussions even today.
Much of our faith is dependent on choices, rather than feelings—from trusting God, even when circumstances appear dire, to staying the course in a marriage through difficult seasons.
Forgiveness is also a choice. The deeper the wound, the longer the process may take, but it starts with staying true to what the Lord calls us to. Jesus reminds us in Matthew 6:14, “For if you forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well.”
When we consider our own sinfulness—in thoughts, deeds, attitudes—and what Jesus did to pay our debt and make us holy and righteous in God’s eyes, then the choice should be clear.
There are dire spiritual consequences to choosing not to forgive, just as with any unrepentant sin. It puts distance between the Lord and us, breaking intimate fellowship with Him and hindering our peace and prayers. In addition, sin always presents an opportunity for the enemy to weaken our testimony and cause divisions and separations in our lives, personally or congregationally.
We’re reminded of the fable about a hunter catching a monkey by placing a banana inside a jar. The hole is large enough for the monkey’s open hand to enter, but too small for its clenched fist. The monkey is trapped, simply because it refuses to let go of the banana.
It seems so foolish, yet we can do the same when refusing to forgive. We must examine the underlying root of unforgiveness if we hope to bring it to the foot of the Cross.
Scripture frames unforgiveness as prideful because it elevates our own sense of justice over God’s command to forgive (Matt 18:21-35) and ignores our own need for mercy. Joyce Meyer put it well when she said, “Pride acts as an ‘independent spirit’ that rejects the humility required to grant forgiveness, making it the soil in which bitterness grows.”
Pride comes before destruction, and an arrogant spirit before a fall” Proverbs 16:18.
Two other components of forgiveness are worth mentioning. First, it cannot be dependent on the individual’s response. It’s about our heart posture toward God and them, not in how they respond. Secondly, to forgive someone does not necessarily mean we will forget the offense. Trust that is broken needs to be rebuilt over time, if that’s even possible. There may be situations where we hold bitterness toward someone who is no longer living, and it is just as damaging as if they were still with us.
Instead, we are called to practice “…bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive” Colossians 3:13.
Prayer: Heavenly Father, search our hearts and show us where we may be holding onto a root of bitterness that we may come to You in repentance, and begin the process of forgiveness. Though we know it is often difficult work, in Christ, we are more than able to conquer the chains that hold us down, hold us back, and sully our witness for You. Thank You for the abundant mercy and grace You continually pour out on us. May we praise Your holy name and give all glory and honor to You.
