My Husband is a Mary!

It was at the end of a Christmas celebration last month that it struck me—my husband is a Mary! We’ve been serving at a local church-on-the-street ministry for several years, and the pastor and his staff take every opportunity to show their appreciation. This Christmas party was one of those events.

At the end of the evening, everyone was rallying around to clean things up. Chris had his back to the commotion, probably not even aware of what was happening. Instead, he was speaking with a man we’d just met that night—a man who had gone through recent physical ailments. While I was stacking chairs and clearing tables, Chris was focused on offering encouragement.

Typical Chris. If I didn’t appreciate his heart for others, it could become a point of contention.

When we look at the Bible story of Martha and Mary in Luke 10, we see Martha opening her home to Jesus and his disciples. “She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me.’” (10:39-40 NIV)

Like the majority of women I know, I’m a Martha. We get caught up in all the stuff that we feel needs to get done, sometimes to the point of exhaustion. If Chris and I are having company over for supper, I focus on what to serve, getting the house clean, and a multitude of details that can overwhelm me. Chris doesn’t stress about any of these things. His focus is on connecting with our friends.

This isn’t the only time I get distracted. Grocery shopping isn’t a pleasant task for me, so I want to get in and get out. But when Chris is with me, he takes time to notice the other people in the store. He’ll greet shoppers and checkers, and if they’re receptive, he makes conversation. It’s like he’s always on the lookout for someone in need. And don’t get me started about church. He makes it a point to greet everyone before service begins, and often slips into the pew after the prelude music is halfway done.

Maybe that’s why he was such a loved chiropractor for more than three decades. After he retired, I had the chance to talk to a former patient of his—a man Chris had known from the very beginning of his career. I asked Dave how he liked the doc who bought Chris’s practice. “He’s okay,” he said with a shrug. I was hoping for more enthusiasm, so I pressed a little. “He’s very good at adjusting,” I said. Which is true. The new doc is skilled at what he does. “Yeah,” Dave replied. “But when I went in to see Chris, I was not only adjusted; I was ministered to. No one is going to be another Chris Sienes.”

Isn’t this the heart of Jesus? To minister to those we come in contact with?

I have a little empathy for Martha, because it’s easy to get frustrated when stuck with the bulk of the workload. Although, many Martha’s tend to be control-freaks, and even if Mary did offer to help, it wouldn’t be done to Martha’s satisfaction. And just to be sure y’all know this about Chris, he is no shirker. Since I’ve been writing full time, he’s taken on the brunt of the shopping and more than his fair share of the cooking. Of course, that could be survival instinct. I don’t much care what (or sometimes even if) I eat.

Jesus didn’t comply with Martha’s demand that he tell Mary to help her. Instead, his red-letter answer was, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (10.41-42 NIV)

Of course, the “better thing” is to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to his wise teachings. Who wouldn’t rather do that than cooking and cleaning?

I shared my ah-ha moment with Chris (that he’s a Mary and I’m a Martha) and he laughed. “If everyone was a Mary, nothing would get done,” he said. Yes, Martha’s are necessary, too, I suppose. We’re in the middle of packing up to move, and I must admit if it was left to Chris, it wouldn’t get done. I have to prod and push a little—but just a little—and he’s doing everything he can to help. It’s his nature to serve, whether it’s hauling packed boxes to the garage, cooking supper, or lending a listening ear.

What if we could balance the Martha tendency to attend to the tasks at hand with the Mary heart who soaks up everything Jesus has to offer? I believe my husband has somehow mastered this, and I would do well to learn from his example.

What about you? Do you tend to be a Martha or a Mary? How can we balance the two?