Little Sins

I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it…I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. (Romans 7:15-19 NLT)

Years ago, my husband Chris and I decided we wanted to work through the Book of Romans together, so we picked up a study (maybe John MacArthur—I don’t remember) and committed to spending our Saturday study time doing this. I remember the above scripture verse as being complicated for us to unravel. Maybe it’s because we were reading the New King James Version—or maybe it was because we were young in our walk. Either way, we stumbled over these particular verses, and it became a comical memory for us. I don’t believe we’ve done a study together since.

Fast forward sixteen years. I’ve read the Bible front to back several times. I always get hung up in Leviticus and Numbers, and if I’m going to be totally transparent, I skim those two books. A lot. But I know the importance of reading the Word in its entirety to understand the context as a whole. I’ve done several different year-long programs, including Bible Recap with Tara-Leigh Cobble, which I highly recommend. But lately, I’ve felt disjointed and out of sync with my studies.

Have you ever been so focused on your agenda, you miss the message? When I go through a year-long study, I get stuck with the urgency to keep up, and miss the entire point of reading God’s Word—to know Him and to Hear Him. Without that at the forefront, I’m just going through the motions. That’s what it’s been like lately. Can anyone out there relate?

Last week, Chris and I were vacationing at the Gulf Coast. I shared this with him as we walked along the beach early one morning. Even though we don’t study together anymore (we each move through the Bible at a different pace), we often talk about our struggles or what the Lord is showing us. Or, in my case, not showing me. He shared with me something he’d been discussing with his Bible Study Buddies—meditation. Taking one passage and really sticking with it for days in order to hear what the Lord has for him.

We arrived home on Wednesday, and I was looking forward to getting back to my routine on Thursday morning. I love routine. Maybe too much. Every morning, I get my cup of coffee and sit up in my bedroom where I can watch the sun rise. I pull out my devotionals—Table Talk, Streams in the Desert, and New Morning Mercies—and I read them in that order. Did I mention that I’m a creature of routine? I know…boring. Once I read through those devotionals, I pull out my prayer journal and write in it. After all of that, I then pick up my Bible and do my daily reading. I’m cringing as I write this, because it’s so clear now why I’m feeling disjointed and stagnant.

Thursday morning, I spent some time in prayer before opening even the first devotional, as I should be doing every morning. Remember I stated above that I get so stuck in my agenda, I miss out on the message? You can see why. Anyway, when I read New Morning Mercies for June 16^th, I was struck by a message I needed to hear. I’m a sinner saved by grace. Let me say that again—I’m a sinner saved by grace.

Why is this such a revelation, you might be asking. That’s the whole basis for our Christian faith, isn’t it? But when author Paul David Tripp wrote, “The character of any person is not shaped by two or three grand, big moments of life. A person’s character is formed in ten thousand little, mundane moments of everyday life…So those ‘little’ sins are not so little after all:

The nasty retort

The ‘me first’ pride

The flash of lust at the mall

The anger at someone who got in your way

Those little bitter thoughts

Your addiction to little pleasures

The impatience with a loved one

They depict a deeply needy heart. They remind you and me that we have not risen above our need for rescuing grace.”

This should come as no surprise that I’m guilty of every one of those “little” sins listed above. In a chaotic world where we see the evil, violence, and Satan’s wicked agenda being unleashed on our children, I’ve forgotten that our seemingly small acts of rebellion are not insignificant in the eyes of the Lord. My snarky response to Chris when I’m in a mood is sinful. The pang of envy when another author is celebrated and I’m not is sinful. The rude comment I make under my breath when a driver cuts me off in traffic is sinful. The pride I take in myself when I mistakenly think I’m good is sinful.

There is no such thing as being “good” as long as we live in a world where every day is a spiritual battle. The apostle Paul tells us this in Romans 3:10-12—No one is righteous—not even one. No one is truly wise; no one is seeking God. All have turned away; all have become useless. No one does good, not a single one. So, when someone tells me that all that matters in this life is being “good,” I can say they’re deceived by the enemy. And if the enemy can get us to disregard those “little” sins, he gains a foothold in our spiritual walk. Or keeps us from surrendering to Christ in the first place, because of the mistaken notion that we’re good.

I’m a sinner saved by grace. There is nothing good in me—it is sin living in me that does it—and until I’m walking with Jesus in glory, I will desperately need what He has so sacrificially offered. What about you? I’m going to camp out in Romans 7:15-19 for a while until I’ve exhausted every message I can glean from the Lord. And then I will pray that He will lead me to the next revelation He has for me.

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