Welcome to My World

img_1210867561824_2041I’ll be the first to admit, I think too much. It must drive my poor husband crazy to be on the receiving end of the monologue of emotions I work through on a regular basis. But of course, he’s too sweet to admit it—or maybe he realizes that my mind is a scary place sometimes and it’s just best to back away slowly.

One of my fatal flaws is that I try to second guess God. Yes, I know it’s an exercise in futility, but there you have it. It’s kind of like attempting to study a snowflake under a microscope. Even if I could manage to capture one, it would be nothing more than a water droplet by the time I got it set up. And yet, it doesn’t change my proclivity to try.

Case in point: Recently, I’ve felt an undeniable peace infiltrate my being, even in the face of some stressful situations. I wondered if I’ve finally matured in my walk to trust God absolutely—to know that whatever I go through, He has it covered. He knows what the end result will be and it’s my job to see each problem as an opportunity for growth. But then I think, when will the test come? You know what I mean? Just when we think we’re in a good place, our thoughts and attitudes aligned with God’s, something comes along to test it.

Then Chris came to me and said, “You know that peace and joy you’ve been resting in? I have something to share with you.” This is it, I thought. The TEST. My heart kicked up a notch and I waited for anxiety to take over. But wait…no…it didn’t happen. It may just be that hit wasn’t hard enough. But there will be another, because life is…well…life. Maybe the next one will come in the form of financial problems or health issues or worse—something to do with one of my children.

Just so you don’t think I’m a complete loon, I don’t dwell on these thoughts. They just pass through and settle in for a moment of two. Long enough for me to try them on for size. It’s not like I haven’t been through a trial or two or three or…well, you get the point. It’s just that I’ve never been in a place where I pass them on over to God without taking them immediately back. But that hasn’t been the case lately. It’s only through learning who God is, and trusting His Word, that I can begin to let go of my fears.

My hope and prayer is that someday, I won’t question James 1:2—Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds. Because for most of us, there will be trials that challenge our peace, whether it’s one of those I listed above or something else entirely. I pray that in the midst of whatever may come, I’ll remember that I am first and foremost a child of God. We have to remember where our identity comes from—who we are and Who’s we are. Because whatever may come, God’s in control. We may not like mucking through the mire and the outcome may not be what we desire, but there’s something bigger taking place in the process—sanctification.

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