A few years ago, I posted a blog titled Martha or Mary? In it, I wrote about my struggle to be a Mary in a Martha world. And just like a Martha, I had definite steps I could take to reach that coveted Mary status. I know the Spirit’s working to transform me, but that is definitely an area that hasn’t seen much growth, as I realized when I woke at 1:00 this morning (after only sleeping two hours) with my mind worrying over all the tasks I need to accomplish today.
And I’ll just be totally transparent here—there was more than a little resentment that Chris rested in peaceful slumber because he never worries over the ridiculous details of life many of us women are plagued with. Oh, I know he has his own worries, but none of them include details like what will I wrap that baby shower gift in since I didn’t remember to pick anything up for it (because I was shopping late Thursday night, which is another story)—and what will I wear? How will I get the house clean, dinner prepared and attend the above-mentioned shower before our dinner guests arrive this evening? And boy, the lawn’s in desperate need of its first mowing of the season (okay, Chris will do this one, but he really doesn’t worry over it.) Then there’s the blog post I should have written yesterday, but spent four hours editing my entry for the ACFW Genesis contest.
Some of you ladies out there will tell me to just let it go. Who cares if the house is clean? Isn’t it my pride that requires every surface to be either dusted, vacuumed or wiped up? These friends aren’t coming for dinner to inspect the house. And big deal if I miss a blog post, it’s not like I’m some famous, published author that people are flocking to read. When I mentioned my concern over wrapping the gift, Chris’s response was, “You’re creative. I’m sure you’ll think of something.” Great. More pressure. Now I have to be creative, too?
So, you can see why I think my road to Mary-dom is doomed.
Are my priorities skewed? Definitely. Can I just turn off my compulsive need to have everything just right? No way. But Psalm 139:13-17 says, You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. I love this scripture! I love that God made me the way I am (even if I question my psychological health) and loves me just as I am. Does this mean I shouldn’t question some of my A-type personality tendencies? Not at all. Because until I’m called to my eternal home, I’m a work in progress.
As I lay awake for far too long in the wee hours of the morning, it struck me that I didn’t have to continue with the cycle running amok in my head. I realized the ridiculousness of stressing over things that have absolutely no eternal impact. A baby shower. Really? So, I admitted my pettiness to my loving God—asked Him to take the worries from me and stretch out my day to accomplish what He would allow (like this blog post.) And within seconds, I slept.
We are who we are, but God has a better plan for who we will become. Praise Jesus. For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into His glorious image. 2 Corinthians 3:17-18. I guess I’m not doomed after all.
Comments 1
You are definitely not doomed. God made you the beautiful women that you are. All the worries are part of it. But isn’t it great that you could finally hand all those worries over to God and He allowed you the peace to fall asleep.
Another thing, I look forward to your blog posts, but it doesn’t matter what day they come out, they will get done.
You are blessed and in turn you bless all of us you touch.